Dead Tired

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Finally, the end of the longest day of my life was over. The tears of the past months now free to flow yet strangely absent. This old house quieter than ever, the door closing behind me and the true sense of emptiness was now being felt as I never thought possible.

Leading up to my wife’s death, friends, family and of course my daughter were always close by and the grief shared by all. Now the house is dark as I stand in the hallway not wanting to turn on the light for fear of seeing the reality of finally being alone.

The hall was brighter just this morning as the sun rose and my daughter and I went off to the funeral parlor for Liz, my wife’s final service before our trip to the cemetery. The morning was crisp and clear, a distant smell of lilac hung in the air as the cars lined up for the procession.

The route chosen was considerably longer than necessary but a twisty country road in full spring bloom is a sight to be enjoyed, even if it to be the last. The funeral itself was as beautiful as anyone could expect, the morning mist lingered in the new day and the birds serenaded in the background as hundreds of mourners passed to show love, friendship and respect for a truly remarkable person. A woman whom I loved deeply for many, many years but now feeling I never fully acknowledged as a person or professional and was regretting having not expressed it more when she was alive. I hoped she knew of my love and respect for her as a mother and friend, as a physician, scientist and teacher and of course as a very lucky man’s wife.

The next few days a similar sad and hazy blur, I just roamed from one room to the next recalling all the little things that happened in each one over the thirty years living here. Each had a story, a laugh or tear, all where ours, our colors, our furniture, our books and our clutter. Each and every piece a memory and all memories of an instant in time to never be repeated. A life time that was a life’s time in the making and yet gone in an instant.

Life goes on I’m told and I would like to believe that. I’m sure for many it does. For some however it’s just not meant to be. I realized this when the crumpled remains of my car was dumped in my driveway minutes ago. And I never got to say goodbye.

The End

sck061817 / dft

Morning Triku #169 ~ Haiku Theoreticallish

haiku theoreticallish

~*~
Our Wrinkle in Time

Work is what we do,
when not doing what we want.
Like death but with pay.

~
Constant Ripples

Time is space between.
Between matters and doesn’t.
Distance less with light.

~
Perpetual Emotion

Love is energy.
Hearts, minds and bodies unite.
Time accelerates.

~*~
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Salute

Memorial Day’s a solemn day,
we honor lives who’ve slipped away.
On distant soil they did roam,
defending our country and our home.
~
A salute to those wrapped in glory,
a salute to those who told their story.
Thanks to all that proudly served.
This day of memorial is much deserved.
~
Perhaps in the future wars won’t exist.
Peace can be found if we persist.
Today may hold tomorrow’s key.
But it’s our past that has made us free.
~
Battles lost and battles won,
we can never forget the good they’ve done.
They sacrificed all so that we may thrive.
And in our memories they will forever survive.

~*~
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Left Behind

~

Lost in a wandering state of mind,

returning to memories I thought left behind.

A campground awaits from decades of yore,

There’s a lake nearby and nature galore.

 

Summers there filled with family and friends,

as the specter of youth unknowingly ends.

The journey’s now short to a time long past.

My cabin soon appears while the sun fades fast.

 

The sky was clear, blues deepened to black.

The stars shone bright, they welcomed me back.

I relaxed on the porch and sipped iced tea,

my friends due tomorrow the night was for me.

 

With waning moon the damp mist rose,

crickets serenaded, eyes started to close.

Blissful sensations then the start of dreams,

when startled was I by familiar screams.

 

Dolly, Dolly, Dolly! was all she ever said,

her childhood taunts now flooding my head.

She’s the ghostly remains of horrors we’d share.

The truth is haunting when better a nightmare.

 

She would scratch at the screen above my bed.

I’d shriek and shiver and cower with dread.

Mornings would come, I’d report of my fright,

“that little girl’s ghost came to take me last night”.

 

My brothers would tease and mom consoled,

dad says they’re figments of tales I’ve been told.

But when evenings cool and crescent moon high,

dense fog rose and that child would cry.

 

Dolly, dolly, dolly is all she would say,

Her bony hand summoned and pointed the way.

Never dared I answer her mournful request.

Silently I’d wait, ignoring my guest.

 

It’s been many years since last we met.

Time I’ve tried hard, but to never forget.

Now I’ve matured and conscience will decide.

Am I to seek or again shall I hide?

 

I know not what of this phantoms despair.

Yet together there’s grief we seemingly share.

Her woe is death while mine’s the living.

Each is assured though neither forgiving.

 

Our paths have crossed, all have an end.

My choice is made by this spirited friend.

With eyes open wide follow I must,

forsaking not, that lost child’s trust.

 

I rose and leaned forward, held out my hand.

Our fate’s to obey and to command.

We dashed through the field and into the woods.

A moment imagined of pleasant childhoods.

 

Each step echoes with brittle twig snap.

Till the shadows of trees soon overlap.

To guide my way mere slivers of light,

pursuing my phantom into the night.

 

Thicket and bramble claw at my skin,

bleeding the courage from deep within.

The worn paths end at fresh fallen leaf,

this forest beyond, beyond my belief.

 

Spirits roam free where the living don’t tread.

My friend had returned to her life of the dead.

I wished again to hide safe behind closed eyes,

trading this vision for dreams of blue skies.

 

The girl then pointed at boulders stacked high,

interwoven with brush to hide from the eye.

All layers of shadow, grays deepened to black,

foretelling the depth of crevice and crack.

 

Her hazy glow grew brighter, eyes more intense,

repeated cries for dolly now making sense.

She’s lost a dear friend and I’m chosen to find.

To abandon now this child was beyond unkind.

 

Exited are we, our quest’s nearly done.

‘Twas a test of persistence, both surely won.

My mind’s now a flutter, heart beating proud,

grasping in darkness through thick thorny shroud.

 

Our search going well till that last step was taken,

the ground then vanished, I was tumbled and shaken.

I awoke sometime later to whispers, mumbles and cries.

My new friend stood close as I opened my eyes.

 

I saw Dolly held tightly and a bustle nearby.

Mourners had grouped where still bodies lie.

While both lifeless figures familiar in size.

The live too are familiar, all saying goodbyes.

 

The little girl thanked me for my many good deeds.

As slowly she faded having found what she needs.

I begged to be taken for I’ve been truly kind.

When last she said “You need first find needs left behind.”

 

 

.

Sck021616

Time

Time’s now free ahead but paths now less long.
Choices now still many but chances fewer to be wrong.
Though wrong turns will inevitably crash,
the time is now for another splash.
~
Playing it safe will always be good.
And being reckless we never should.
Should I sit quietly and wither happily away?
Or awake with zeal to conquer the day?
~
Questions are hard and answers are cheap.
Actions we’ve made are what we’ll keep.
But time will come when time won’t matter.
We’ll lay alone, our bodies in tatter.
~
Our minds will wander to what was known.
Our eyes will close to see we’re grown.
Points beyond are for us to decide.
The end’s the same, but for the ride.

~*~
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Dreaming Tomorrows

Another day of quitting to quit,
another day to feel like a twit.
My morning had started pretty well,
but as the day warmed so did my hell.
~
So I jumped in my car to cool my head,
but took a wrong turn and to the store I sped.
I bought some milk and tobacco too.
Then I limped home and smoked till blue.
~
Tomorrow’s gladly another day.
I’ll rise optimistic with demons at bay.
Boiling water the urges will swell.
The heat will be on then back to hell.
~
Will I submit or stand and fight?
The battle lost the end’s in sight.
But now it’s to bed to dream as I do.
Will there be many or be just a few?

~*~
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Love and Death, Life and Breath

The universe dark when afraid,
atoms pulse and bonds made.
The voice within will rise and fall,
a poet’s obsession is defining all.
~
Heartbeats heard of passerby,
all’s to feel or question why.
Understood or criticized,
words writ, spoken or surmised.
~
Eye’s see truth and tell no lies,
somewhere, always are bright blue skies.
To write of life is to ponder death.
To be loved is sharing breath.

~*~
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Longings

Suspended in the depths of gloom and despair,
there death is longed and life’s feared.
Where darkness consumes all’s lost,
with one breath the line crossed.
~
But that’s not today and that’s good.
The sun’s shining as it should.
The air chilled but warming’s near.
Spring’s now longed, none’s to fear.

~*~
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Maybe

Though I hope not permanent,
I’ve chosen to experiment.
A change in course is needed,
or soon to be defeated.
~
Continued escape or actual rest,
sleep will be my ultimate test.
Nights a daze and days are night.
Wake must I to dream what’s right.
~
Torn by a future unknown,
and times gone now to own,
reflections of the past have all been seen.
Death looms, the now in between.
~
Better days will come with the bad.
Some day’s happy, others sad.
Success or failure is for us to see.
Probing’s always costly but results free.

~*~
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Untitled

Behind every smile a hidden face.
The truth beams or without a trace.
An image forged dissolves with heat.
Lies spewed oozes defeat.
~
Laughter forced not funny to hear.
Lines punched soon disappear.
The folly of life is the reality of death.
Friend or foe we share their breath.
~
Digging deep for words obscure,
most buried others with allure.
Infinite combinations unlock a soul.
But the twists and turns take their toll.
~
To pirouette or to crawl,
balance sought so not to fall.
Random memes are filling my brain.
The line is fine between output and insane.
~
Random thoughts not easily penned.
Not all poems have an end.
So today I’m a poet with a smile bright,
though reality beckons fantasy’s in sight.

~*~
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The Color of Life

Still I wake knowing not what to do.
Will I be happy or some shade of blue.
I’ve seen birth and I’ve seen death.
I shared my loves very last breath.
~
With time comes change, like it or not.
The good remembered, bad mostly forgot.
With each hue an infinite tone.
The play of light’s what we’re shown.
~
The sun’s journey across the sky,
alters our visions subtly and sly.
In the dark we see the colors of day.
Shadows forever lurk either way.
~
Given the choice all would be bright,
a life coddled in the warmth of light.
Tho the dawn missed and sunset yearned.
Questions unanswered, nothing’s learned.
~
Tomorrows lessons tested today,
all’s pass or fail either way.
And the change must be or not to see.
The cost high but the time’s free.

~*~
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Edits

It’s a neutral day, no ups or downs.
Not many smiles but fewer frowns.
The vibrancy of the past’s gone away.
There’s little to color when mind’s gray.
~
I woke today, dreams expired.
Futures drag when uninspired.
When words the medium, life’s art.
I feel a need to write a new start.
~
Tomorrows verse never complete.
Pictures in the heart with time compete.
Why should I run when I can rhyme?
Exercise is always worth the time.
~
I’ve written of dying, it doesn’t end well.
I wrote of death, questioned heaven and hell.
I scribed my love but that got old.
And of course heartbreak, a story retold.
~
So I’ll collect my notes of yesterdays.
I’ll rearrange them in other ways.
And with my yellow wand I’ll wave my hand.
Then reappear to see where I land.

~*~
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The Seed

~

Colors of autumn, death’s in bloom.

Return to the earth, the seeds’ final tomb,

nourishing yet another season.

We’re all guests of earth for this reason.

~

And thus the surety of life;

prosperity, mediocrity or strife.

All to return to where once came,

regardless of misfortune or fame.

~

For life is but a lesson –

throughout our mortal existence.

A test of our bodies, minds

and hearts persistence.

~

We’re all creatures of the same seed.

Return to the earth, our souls freed.

So let us not perceive death an end –

simply a new life to transcend.

~

For death is the exploration

of dimensions unknown.

And thus the destiny of the seed-

Grown

~

Sck2014/84

Past Tense

Imagine adventure, step back in time.
Halls with doors, surprises mine.
Ghostly greetings with every blink,
the past behind we’re led to think.
.
Spirits pass spirits on.
Spirit’s off spirit’s gone.
Souls see the soul-less be.
Soul’s sense, soul’s free.
.
Minds absorb, till out of time.
Tour’s done, step back in line.
Entry’s open, time to depart.
Life awaits, make the start.

~*~
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Back & Forth

The pros and cons of death
are the ins and outs of breath.
The ups and downs of life
are the this and that’s of strife.

Forward or back, taut or slack,
fast or slow it’s the average we know
Top or bottom leaves in between.
Front and back the rest’s unseen.

Heads or tails the inner hides.
No coin has only just two sides.
Life is choices, more than two.
There’s more to it than me and you.

Books may contain all that’s known.
Everything else we’re on our own.
Soft or hard a landing’s assured.
Highs and lows are endured.

While ponderings spiral unabated,
decision’s made as we waited.
Time’s endless, though ours is not.
Hit or miss, it’s worth a shot.

~*~
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Morning Triku #171 ~ No Roads an Island

Weathering Heights

With beauty comes love.
With nature comes peace of mind.
Both come change with force.
~

Guess Good

Heaven or hell is.
It’s the instant before death.
Pre and post a guess.
~

No End

Running on empty,
writing talk of walk the walk,
while crawling on full.

~*~
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Why?

Hogarth_fighting2

We work by day and dream at night.
In between we live and fight.
We fight for peace and for love.
We fight to live, we push and shove.

Sometimes we give, sometime we break.
We sometime take more than we make.
We fight for much and for less.
We fight for time to fight off stress.

We’ve fought for us and for them.
We fought for merit and to condemn.
We fight the ills that lurk within.
We fight our demons so we may win.

Yet battles won are never done.
And battles lost are never one.
But still we fight until at last we die.
We’ll fight for breath to at last ask why.

~*~
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Pay Day?

Don’t fear death, but be concerned.
You’ll leave behind all you’ve learned
The bridges crossed and bridges burned.
Stones skipped while some left unturned

Desires quenched and desires yearned.
Heads dazed and heads turned.
Friendships had and friendships spurned.
Sublime sedations’ and emotions churned.

There’s love given and the love returned.
So be forgotten not, life was earned.

~*~
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Taps and Dies Before Our Eyes

~*~
Beneath the surface the hidden lies.
Lifetimes dug with nightly spies.
They’re timely spirits never seen.
Betwixt the shadows they have been.

They step in time to others cries.
Unheard are they, ahead they rise.
Parallel the paths diverged.
Wrongly spiked the forces surged.

Time is distance in disguise.
Depth perceived in mind’s wise.
Forever’s there can never be.
The past is all we get to see.

Tomorrow’s come and that’s the prize.
The present meant to capitalize.
Waves of emotion ebb and swell.
Tides of change rose and fell.

Plans charted as the crow flies.
Destinations await all surprise.
Second chances always free.
And visitors all are we.

Then there’s those which defies,
“to each their own” we’ll rationalize.
Can halves again make a whole?
The ups and downs take a toll.

With twists and turns we realize.
Life unlived without goodbyes.

~
Sck081017

When Questions Burn

~
When virtue’s taken does it come back?
When innocence gone what else do we lack?
When the time comes is it too late?
When the day’s done was it fate?

When dreams awaken was it sound?
When trust is lost what then is found?
When does a broken heart mend?
When is a lover not a friend?

When all was had what’s left to yearn?
When the damage done what did we learn?
When the pains felt haunt can life return?
And when it does; does it burn?

~*~

sck080917

The Void

~
Bedtime soon and demons shall awake;
but with a soul gone there’s none to take.
The screams in my head scare the spirits away.
Nightmares fast-forward to the light of day.

The ghosts turn white when I yell boo.
And the Reaper can shove his sickle too.
Coz in reality horror lives and fantasy dies.
And sleep‘s just a void behind closed eyes.

~*~
sck072517