humor

Virtual Mistletoe

It’s time for another Christmas poem,
cos it’s that time of year.
It’s to be filled with good will,
love and holiday cheer.
*
I could write about Santa,
with his busy little elves,
maybe an ode to their toys,
now cluttering my shelves.
*
I can get sappy for a tree,
our little spire of light,
I could rhyme about nothing,
as I do every night.
*
My purpose was clear,
at the start of this poem.
Blessings received I was to emote,
but that’d be a tome.
*
So now I’ll just end with good will to send.
Happy holidays to all, to all a good friend.
May your new year be one to transcend.
And a kiss to some, but that’ll depend.

~*~
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Ribbons and Bows

The season is upon us,
Christmas is almost here.
Trees are going up,
lights are everywhere.
~
Stores are getting crowded,
traffic’s now a mess.
Shoppers fill the streets,
more than I would guess.
~
Some lists are getting shorter,
mine has far to go.
But no time to worry,
I hope it doesn’t snow!
~
Kids are getting excited;
they know the day is near.
Adults too are frazzled,
overwhelmed by all the cheer.
~
There’re stockings to be filled,
then stockings to explore.
Goodies there are waiting,
a welcome end for sure.

~*~
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Figmented

In a little town not far from here,
there lived a star, a puppeteer.
She entertained children near and far.
While her husband played his old guitar.
~
The puppets danced and the kids all giggled.
The guitarist sang and everyone wiggled.
But behind the show’s curtain of green,
the puppeteer performs, always unseen.
~
But she’s not sad, she’s quite content,
the show’s always fun and it pays the rent.
Their home life is great with two cats and a dog.
And in a pond nearby they had a pet frog.
~
Their children, now grown and moved far away,
but they all get together for Christmas day.
The tree lit up bright and gifts piled high.
They await the sunrise in the cold winter sky.
~
First up’s the grandkids, it’s time to explore.
Next was the dog that sleeps by the door.
The children were silent peaking at the gifts.
Each on lookout in five minute shifts.
~
Tape’s gently pulled and corners peeled back,
they had to work fast to get through the stack.
The children were careful to not make a mess,
because if caught, next year there’d be less.
~
It didn’t take long for them to realize,
the presents were fake and the pets were spies.
The children panicked and ran back to their beds,
to dream once more of dolls, blocks and sleds.
~
But the parents sat waiting at the top of the stairs.
The kids now caught broke down in tears.
They ruined Christmas and the parents were mad.
The grandparents were disappointed and that was sad.
~
A lecture was given while breakfast they ate.
Grandma’s lesson was good things are worth the wait.
And that things are not always as they appear,
you can take it from her, she’s a puppeteer.
~
Breakfast was finished at a leisurely pace.
Anticipation beamed from everyone’s face.
Then a puppet appeared dressed as Santa Claus,
who passed out presents to much applause.

~*~
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A Gift of Sixty-Four

Fancy wrap can’t hide from my eyes,

A gift that’s familiar in shape and size.

It’s the present that I adore.

They’re the toy that’s never a bore.

*

They’re a box of possibilities,

a forest full of Christmas trees.

A blanket of snow and garlands bright,

with a flicker of lights in the night.

*

They’re singing birdies just for me,

or a sailing ship on a stormy sea.

They’re autumn play and a summer breeze,

the colors of spring and buzzing bees.

*

With this one gift I’ll need no-more.

It’s a box of sixty-four!

There are colors for sad and more for glad.

They’re all perfect and none are bad.

*

What endless choices to be found.

But what is the color of sound?

What is the color of a kiss?

I’ll someday find those colors amiss.

*

They’re jewels in a treasure chest.

Something shared with a special guest.

We draw and print or color books,

while snuggled in our secret nooks.

*

I’m glad they float, though labels’ lost.

Nothing left to be peeled and tossed.

Then guides are gone for shades unknown.

But I’ll know them all, when I’m grown.

*

My cat swats greens under my bed.

My dog’s favorite to eat is red.

We all roll fast and giggle for more.

When they’re like bearings on the floor.

*

We build rainbows to the sky.

Stacked like logs to make towers high.

We lose the ones we like the best.

Then have extras of all the rest.

*

They’re a gift that’s always welcome.

They’re used up quick or saved by some.

Look what Harold did with just one.

My sixty-four are much more fun.

*

Stored neat in a box with a lid that flips,

and a hole on the back to sharpen tips.

Enough to share with all my friends,

we can draw a line that never ends.

*

Though mostly used sparingly,

tucked safe in a drawer, just for me.

They somehow seem to go away.

And just in time for Christmas day.

*

The End

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Under Wraps

The holiday’s upon us, still there’s much to do.
Decorations aren’t yet finished, more presents needed too.
Christmas cards must be sent; first I’ll need a list.
I’ve mistletoe to hang, hoping to be kissed.
~
I’ll skip the wreath this year, unless I find one cheap.
Maybe I’ll get plastic, something I can keep.
There’ll be no fancy paper, tied with ribbons and bows.
The wrap doesn’t matter; it’s the thought that truly shows.
~
The weather is quite nice, I think today’s the day.
I’ll finish all my shopping; make more bills I can’t pay.
Oh! And yes I need a tree, how could I forget.
I’d feel really silly and I’d lose another bet.

~*~
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The Gift That Keeps Giving

(rated R)

Ho, Ho, Ho, damn it! That’s all I gotta say

Ho, Ho, Ho, damn it! It’s almost Christmas day

Ho, Ho, Ho, damn it! Yea – Santa’s on his way

Ho, Ho, Ho, damn it! I hope he doesn’t stay

*

Christmas last year was our first as newlyweds

Our little home smoky with burnt gingerbreads

Rooms festively strewn and splattered with glitter

The kind of memories that’ll be around forever

 *

His reindeer chomped topiary, displayed in my backyard

Now I have to lie and say it’s really avant-garde

Rudolph took a shining to a bright-eyed decoration

Now he’s singing high notes from electrical castration

*

I also saw Santa smooch my wife under mistletoe

Not a friendly peck but a kiss, deep and slow

I’m ready for him this year, cameras everywhere

I’ll edit-out tomorrow, things I shouldn’t share

*

My lovely mate now fast asleep, safe in our cozy room

Windows shuttered tight, door wedged with a broom

While plump little Nicki slumbers soundly in her cradle

It’s now time for me to prepare, egg-nog, cups and ladle

 *

Plus a special surprise for Santa, it’s sure to be a hoot

I long to see his rosy cheeks when slapped with a paternity suit

Ho, Ho, Ho, damn it! I’ve one last thing to say

Ho, Ho, Ho to all and have a very merry holiday

 *

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Splash!

There once an old dude,
who was quite crude,
the town folk thought him rude.
~
After many a year in love he fell,
his flame however said “go to hell”.
His desires she’d never quell.
~
A stormy winter slowly passed by.
Accustomed to rejection, the dude wasn’t shy.
And persistent he was to always ask why.
~
The spring finally came,
his flame stayed the same,
himself the dude thought to blame.
~
The summer surely hot,
the dude surely not,
his cool long since shot.
~
Autumn’s bluster in the air,
his flame did flicker, he did flare.
The time had tempered each with care.
~
With a Christmas snow soon to arrive,
fire and ice made water to dive.
His flame’s heart thawed and their love did thrive.

~*~
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But Then Again

Wow! It seems like only yesterday, time was mine but slipped away.
Where it’s gone I can not say.
Perhaps tomorrow, again I’ll play.
But then again I can nay say.
~
What if tomorrow’s we could choose?
Life lessons learned without dues.
Every game played never to lose.
A world of friendship, all a muse.
But then again we sometimes lose.
~
Imagine a life of only bliss, to relive again our first kiss.
With each day better we’ve none to miss.
What could be better than a life like this?
But then again there’s times I’d miss.

~*~
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Morning Triku #138 – Ends

~

May the Force be You

.

Seeing the bright side

can only enlighten the

time on the dark side

~

Red Read

.

The final haiku

will be writ large in the blood

of mankind’s silence

~

Day Dreaming Nightmare

.

If you’re the one of

my dreams how can I ever

believe you’re real

~*~

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On a Roll

Her scent lingers, I flushed away.
I sense the push of another shitty day.
She polluted my mind and soiled my bed.
Leave me alone, get out of my head!
~
We fed our needs and ate our cake.
Her outside sweet, her inside’s fake.
Her taste and touch I felt were real.
Now pinched cheeks is all I feel.
~
My hand shades so not so crass,
this burst of gas I hope to pass.
And groan some notes for a while,
refreshing again this steaming pile.
~
Time trickles naturally.
But stand I must eventually.
A gentle pull will clear the residue.
Her memory wiped but some sticks like glue.

~*~
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Nightlife

I woke to a light I hadn’t seen,
in a place I’ve never been.
My head hurt but that’s not all,
who I was I couldn’t recall.
~
I lay in a bed but I don’t know whose.
I wiggled my feet and felt no shoes.
I could hear voices behind the door.
It sounded like two, could’ve been more.
~
A lady came in, she helped me sit up.
She gave me some pills in a little cup.
I’ve now sat alone for months on end.
All I could do was read and pretend.
~
My name’s now Bond, I’ve sailed the sea.
Pirate’s no match for a cowboy like me.
I live in a castle that sits on the moon.
I rocket to work then home before noon.
~
My queen awaits in a crown that glows.
We’ve treasure to share wrapped in ribbon and bows.
The unicorn ran off when gently untied.
A possum was sleeping, we thought they died.
~
The band started playing,
the whole world was swaying.
We dined with guest from all over the map.
And with the stars we all took a nap.
~
I woke to birds singing in trees nearby.
The day’s bright, not a cloud in the sky.
Though things are never as they seem,
I just fell asleep but rose to a dream.

~*~
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A Brief History of Dragons

The earth still brewing,
new life was stewing.
Flora askew and fauna still new,
eat or be eaten was all they knew.
~
The ground untested, sulfur’s in the air.
Crazed creatures wandered unaware;
creepy crawly slithery things,
swimmers of seas and fliers with wings.
~
But tucked cozily in palaces of awe,
dragons feasted and pondered what they saw.
Intruders were meals, some thrown back.
And gardening was their tasty snack.
~
Millennia past but for the dragon too soon,
change was afoot with the handy baboon.
Their hordes grew and quickly spread.
The plundering’s swift but never to be fed.
~
The dragon’s numbers always small,
just a few thousand and that is all.
They’re all very patient and very, very smart.
Some of the elders saw this planet’s start.
~
A meeting was had, all without doubt.
The dragons decided to wait this breed out.
They hibernate now till mankind’s last blunder.
When happily woke to darkness and thunder.

~*~
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Up Down Forward

I received a letter on Tuesday, last week.
The handwriting familiar, deserving of a peek,
it was written by me when I am much older.
The language’s strong, I’m certainly much bolder.
~
Curiosity peaked and horror’s at bay.
I couldn’t believe what I had to say.
Mistakes I’ll be making are such a huge sum.
The time I’ll be wasting makes my brain numb.
~
A warning I thought but that didn’t compute.
If anything changed my letter is moot.
It got me so worried I lay awake all night.
Realizing later I did enough things right.

~*~
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Maybe a Sonnet

 I have a theory; it’s my “Maybe” theory

There are no formulas for anyone to see

Maybe it’s right or maybe it’s wrong

I don’t really mind, didn’t ponder it long

 ~

This theory may work for any occasion

Maybe I’ll theorize the mass of the sun

Maybe I’ll write the world’s longest poem

Or maybe I’ll roam the old streets of Rome

~

Maybe this cloudy day ends in a starry night

Maybe there’s peace and no one to fight

Maybe the sun will rise, maybe it won’t

Though we’ll never know it if it don’t

 ~

Maybe maybe may be enough

Maybe not if you want more stuff

Maybe can be a word you don’t want to hear

As in “Maybe I love you, my darling dear”

 ~

Maybe my theory’s not such a great call

Maybe maybe’s just maybe after all

 ~

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Morning Surprises

Just a few words to start the day,
I started late so I’ve not much to say.
The sun’s rising later and my clock’s askew.
I got up too early but there was nothing to do.
~
So I went back to bed to feel some heat.
I used my cold toes to tickle her feet.
She woke with a shriek from a deep sleep.
She kissed me anyway even though I’m a creep.
~
Our day’s now begun and started with fun.
Although it’s a bit late it’s not yet one.
Now we’ll share our coffee and plan our day.
What happens next I cannot say.

~*~
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Doin’

I feel a storm a brewin’
And thoughts, they are a stewin’
Seems procrastination ain’t so great
Time it seems just won’t wait
~
Youthful dreamin’ put on hold
Earnin’s first, I’ve been told
While the future does still beckon
It’s path though I’ve yet to reckon
~
But my guitar needs a playin’
And my hips need a swayin’
My pencil needs more dancin’
And of course there’s more romancin’
~
So much to do, so little time left to waste
Ponderin’s ahead, no need for haste
I am after all a master procrastinator
So I’ll get old, but just a little bit later

~*~
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Me and My Guitar

A rocky road young love traveled,
she hit the brakes and life unraveled.
The music stopped and she left with my car.
The road now waits for me and my guitar.
~
Playing corner gigs for nickels and dimes,
ain’t got much voice but got good rhymes.
For every heart break there’s a song.
Then another and it don’t take long.
~
The sun’s sinking low and hungers on high,
when the loveliest of ladies caught my eye.
With twenty bucks or so in change,
necessity was now in range.
~
The weight of my wealth couldn’t slow me down.
I chased that lady half way cross town.
We shared a laugh and a quick bite.
I asked if I could crash for the night.
~
Her Benz was parked just around the block.
We both jumped in and started to rock.
Till the music stopped and she left with her car.
The road now waits for me and my guitar.

~*~
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