Dead Tired

.
Finally, the end of the longest day of my life was over. The tears of the past months now free to flow yet strangely absent. This old house quieter than ever, the door closing behind me and the true sense of emptiness was now being felt as I never thought possible.

Leading up to my wife’s death, friends, family and of course my daughter were always close by and the grief shared by all. Now the house is dark as I stand in the hallway not wanting to turn on the light for fear of seeing the reality of finally being alone.

The hall was brighter just this morning as the sun rose and my daughter and I went off to the funeral parlor for Liz, my wife’s final service before our trip to the cemetery. The morning was crisp and clear, a distant smell of lilac hung in the air as the cars lined up for the procession.

The route chosen was considerably longer than necessary but a twisty country road in full spring bloom is a sight to be enjoyed, even if it to be the last. The funeral itself was as beautiful as anyone could expect, the morning mist lingered in the new day and the birds serenaded in the background as hundreds of mourners passed to show love, friendship and respect for a truly remarkable person. A woman whom I loved deeply for many, many years but now feeling I never fully acknowledged as a person or professional and was regretting having not expressed it more when she was alive. I hoped she knew of my love and respect for her as a mother and friend, as a physician, scientist and teacher and of course as a very lucky man’s wife.

The next few days a similar sad and hazy blur, I just roamed from one room to the next recalling all the little things that happened in each one over the thirty years living here. Each had a story, a laugh or tear, all where ours, our colors, our furniture, our books and our clutter. Each and every piece a memory and all memories of an instant in time to never be repeated. A life time that was a life’s time in the making and yet gone in an instant.

Life goes on I’m told and I would like to believe that. I’m sure for many it does. For some however it’s just not meant to be. I realized this when the crumpled remains of my car was dumped in my driveway minutes ago. And I never got to say goodbye.

The End

sck061817 / dft

Morning Triku #169 ~ Haiku Theoreticallish

haiku theoreticallish

~*~
Our Wrinkle in Time

Work is what we do,
when not doing what we want.
Like death but with pay.

~
Constant Ripples

Time is space between.
Between matters and doesn’t.
Distance less with light.

~
Perpetual Emotion

Love is energy.
Hearts, minds and bodies unite.
Time accelerates.

~*~
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Reflections

In a mirror we see what we feel.
In a lover’s eyes we see what’s real.
The face you see is the one that’s yours.
A glowing smile when you open doors.
~
Lips will say “I love you so”.
Hearts then beat because you know.
Eyes twinkle with every greeting.
Arms hold at every meeting.
~
The future’s embraced without pain.
Time then passes on a different plane.
Truth enlightens when two are near.
Reflections insure the vision’s clear.

~*~
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Whom Me

There’s another me I’ve yet to see.
And this other me won’t let this one be.
Both see with my eyes and screw with my head.
But only one’s good, the other better off dead.
~
Never certain whom will wake,
or the trouble they will make.
Their highs often go way, way too far,
their lows always leaving a scar.
~
I need to know from where this comes,
who eats cake and who gets crumbs?
This rollercoaster must soon stop,
but then a merry-go-round I will hop.
~
I’m forcing this poem for a change,
may not be good but surely strange.
And maybe someday we can all agree,
whom the f*** is the real me.

~*~
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Moments Monumental

With each day we do learn,
life is more than we yearn.
Responsibilities never end,
more to share and to lend.
~
We give and take for others sake,
returns in kind for us to make.
Care is given when received.
Truth abounds when not deceived.
~
Time propels, weights constrain,
with each second the past we gain.
Hearts and minds of equal measure,
balance stacked for us to treasure.
~
Skies brighten and again to dim.
Stars don’t shine on a whim.
Thinking love, feeling wise,
tomorrow’s I hear are before our eyes.

~*~
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Can’t Write *ove No More

A stack of sonnets,
but nowhere to send,
their beginning was joyous.
I wept at the end.
~
This stack of sonnets,
sit lonely by my side.
Paper thin memories,
time I’d rather hide.
~
My stack of sonnets,
never to be read.
A future seen,
then instantly shred.
~
A stack of sonnets,
were drawn from my heart.
Now I feel empty.
And wish I didn’t start.

~*~
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Checking Out

Counting the days till days don’t count,
there’ll be no worries or any doubt.
There’s never to be a frown or a pout.
I could stay in or I can go out.
~
Counting the days for my time to sprout,
I’ll get up late with nothing to think about.
I can be really quite or scream and shout.
I’ll always be mellow and never freak out.
~
Counting the days to assume some clout,
each moment’s new with adventures to scout.
Destinations will be celebrations to tout.
The sun will shine with or without
~
Counting the days thought getting stout.
All will be friends, but for the lout.
I’ll need no maps and never to rout.
I’m never locked in or lucked out.
~
Counting days before the days run out,
when never a tear or ever a drought.
Choices all mine, all else to flout.
And blessings counted before checking out.

~*~
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The Sands of Time Between My Toes

As a boy I walked the beach every day.
I stared at the horizon to find my way.
Visions of tomorrow filled my head;
days without fear and a true love to wed.
~
Ripples between obscured the view.
Sink or swim’s all I could do.
Years thrashing to stay afloat,
my life preserver’s gone and I no boat.
~
From the storm a distant shore arose.
Memories conjured with sand between her toes.
With a youthful splash and mind in the skies,
yesterday’s future floated before my eyes.
~
Was a summer returned, the same and new.
That time’s now gone but dreams came true.
The boy now grown, ending his wait.
If a past meant to be it wouldn’t be late.

~*~
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The Sands of Time Between My Toes

As a boy I walked the beach every day.
I stared at the horizon to find my way.
Visions of tomorrow filled my head;
days without fear and a true love to wed.
~
Ripples between obscured the view.
Sink or swim’s all I could do.
Years thrashing to stay afloat,
my life preserver’s gone and I no boat.
~
From the storm a distant shore arose.
Memories conjured with sand between her toes.
With a youthful splash and mind in the skies,
yesterday’s future floated before my eyes.
~
Was a summer returned, the same and new.
That time’s now gone but dreams came true.
The boy now grown, ending his wait.
If a past meant to be it wouldn’t be late.

~*~
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On a Roll

Her scent lingers, I flushed away.
I sense the push of another shitty day.
She polluted my mind and soiled my bed.
Leave me alone, get out of my head!
~
We fed our needs and ate our cake.
Her outside sweet, her inside’s fake.
Her taste and touch I felt were real.
Now pinched cheeks is all I feel.
~
My hand shades so not so crass,
this burst of gas I hope to pass.
And groan some notes for a while,
refreshing again this steaming pile.
~
Time trickles naturally.
But stand I must eventually.
A gentle pull will clear the residue.
Her memory wiped but some sticks like glue.

~*~
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Ands

She was placed on a pedestal.
And I was kicked I the face.
She jumped off.
I fell from grace.
~
I let my guard down.
And I exposed my heart.
And in the blink of her eye,
I was missing a part.
~
I opened hundreds of doors.
And heard one slammed.
Our time swept smoothly.
And now it’s jammed.
~
To express my love,
I took a chance.
I gave her my song.
And she couldn’t dance.

~*~
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Edits

It’s a neutral day, no ups or downs.
Not many smiles but fewer frowns.
The vibrancy of the past’s gone away.
There’s little to color when mind’s gray.
~
I woke today, dreams expired.
Futures drag when uninspired.
When words the medium, life’s art.
I feel a need to write a new start.
~
Tomorrows verse never complete.
Pictures in the heart with time compete.
Why should I run when I can rhyme?
Exercise is always worth the time.
~
I’ve written of dying, it doesn’t end well.
I wrote of death, questioned heaven and hell.
I scribed my love but that got old.
And of course heartbreak, a story retold.
~
So I’ll collect my notes of yesterdays.
I’ll rearrange them in other ways.
And with my yellow wand I’ll wave my hand.
Then reappear to see where I land.

~*~
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Write On Time

Trapped in a shell fragile and weak,
the mind open, lips leak.
Hands scribe screams unheard.
Hearts echo every word.
~
The past flows, futures dribble.
The when’s now the head scribbles.
Cracks appear with thoughts to speak.
Trapped in a shell the darkness is bleak.
~
But the light is sensed without eyes.
Truth is felt through the lies.
Shells hatch and something grows.
And that’s the way the story goes.

~*~
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Damn Slunk

Free will gives us choices.
Souls sort and weigh.
Lust fills in the blanks.
Feet tap another day.
~
When the fates of two collide,
change is felt together.
When hearts and minds align,
pairs will love forever.
~
When one of four is askew,
time will corrode and sever.
Love is not a slam dunk.
The heart and mind know never.

~*~
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Painting Corners

I promise you all it’s coming soon,
a poem I’ll write with no doom and gloom.
Spring will come and blossoms will bloom,
profoundly imagined locked in winter’s room.
~
Winters, like life, always end in demise.
Love again felt will brighten the skies.
Clouds will float and not obscure,
every breath’s a pleasure and pure.
~
Summer’s warmth brings the touch of skin.
Icy hearts thaw from deep within.
The hues of fall paint our ground.
A canvas of white offers promise all around.

~*~
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Morning Triku #177 ~ Random Waves

Beyond the Glass

My windows are closed.
The air cold and leaves fallen.
Yet birds sing somewhere.
~

Sticky

With the glue of two,
broken hearts can mend anew.
Or someone gets stuck.
~

Self-Love

Love Unimpassioned,
is much like one hand clapping,
every morning.

~*~
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Rough Seas

bootcamp

Off to sea at seventeen
To see a world I hadn’t seen
To find a place to call my own
Youthful vigor, this child grown
~
This child grown yet not mature
Too many choices that’s for sure
Open eyes and open mind
Open mouth running blind
~
Open mouths words will flow
Open heart with nowhere to go
Met a gal, our short time grand
We toured my ship hand in hand
~
Phone calls followed, her “brother” met
One of a few I’d like to forget
He asked a favor, I obliged
I tried being good, I really tried
~
But all was not as it appeared
Soon a meeting that I feared
Spoke with my Captain, a man truly trusted
He sat me down and said I was busted
~
It was that sweet young gal, I adored
Was a narc I brought aboard
Years now past, I say what the hell
A sailor no more, but I’ve stories to tell

~*~
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Ain’t Never

I ain’t never wrote a blues song
Don’ think it sound too good
But my baby did just leave me
And not the way she should
~
Our spring blossomed bright
Our summer was hot
But with those dyin’ leaves
I was forgot
~
I was tossed to the curb
like yesterday’s waste
Now just her memory
I’m forever to taste
~
Love was shared in our hearts
A future’s gone before a start
My baby just left me
And not the way she should
~
I didn’t get call
there was no little fight
I got shot a quick text
on a Tuesday night
~
Her “baggage too great
to groove with me
Just a couple of words
and that’s all I’d see
~
That’s how she left me
Not the way she should
Cos these blues I’m now feelin’
sure ain’t soundin’ good

~*~
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Breathless

breathless

Summer’s last breathe breathes the chill of fall.
I wait to answer while I wait to call.
Do we both anxiously check our phone?
Who’ll call first, who’s alone.
~
Does she weep, does she wonder?
Does she care or does she wander?
What is she thinking? I’d love to know.
A mere breathe and my breeze will blow.
~
And the waves of emotion may roll or crash,
castles of sand always gone with a splash.
Beach balls aloft have destinations to guess.
And I left to fill another, till breathless.

~*~
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Just Humming Along

Can too much love fry the heart?
Is ambivalence a better start?
Should feelings felt be feelings shared?
Is honesty worth being dared?
~
Questions fill a weary mind.
Answers wear when yet to find.
Love’s expression layers with age.
Armor veils buried rage.
~
Shells cracked and inners ooze.
Emotions scrambled much to lose.
The future presses and some left flat.
Some beat up and leave it at that.
~
Resilience springs with a bounce.
Reflections sparkle or they pounce.
And time tells just one thing.
Seconds pass and some will sing.

~*~
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