humor

Clueless

I heard a story when I was away.
It happened last year on New Year’s Day.
A man and his wife went out for a walk.
The beach was deserted, they had a talk.
~
No one knew what the two spoke about.
But it didn’t take long for them to shout.
The women ran back and checked out in haste.
The man was gone, his existence erased.
~
The spa was closed and the police had a look.
A comb was found with a watch and a book.
The detective knew that everything’s a clue,
later that day they found a lone shoe.
~
The sun soon setting, the search had to wait.
The police returned the next day before eight.
Records were checked and fingerprints taken.
Nothing was found but the detective unshaken.
~
Seems the couple paid everything in cash.
The deputy examined all of the trash.
The book, he exclaimed, the best clue they had.
There was also the shoe but that smelled bad.
~
The watch looked expensive but not all that nice.
The comb was filthy and covered with lice.
The detective re-examined all of the clues.
The phone then rang, he hoped for good news.
~
A body washed up on the beach overnight.
By the look of his face he lost a good fight.
The detective, excited, rushed to his car.
He arrived in minutes, it wasn’t that far.
~
Although disappointed when he finally got there.
The man had a watch but he had no hair.
One thing’s for certain, he was missing a shoe.
It was a little too late but now he had two.
~
Now two crimes to solve and surely related,
there’d be no rest until the criminal’s located.
Days soon passed but nothing new discovered.
A report then arrived saying the victim was smothered.
~
The man was attacked but surely not robbed.
The deputy was called and confessed while he sobbed.
The woman in question was the deputy’s wife.
The dead guy, her lover, had come with a knife.
~
The deputy, of course, had worn a disguise.
But tans are evident in those warm, sunny skies.
His wife’s still missing but his watch returned,
it covered the place on his arm not burned.
~
The book and the comb, both common beach finds,
returned to the spa and their curious minds.
Apparently I read it but the plot was old.
The next day I heard a more chilling story told.

~*~
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Sedentary Travels

My day begins before the sun’s rise.
My cat meows and I open my eyes,
I stumble downstairs and she gets fed.
If the weather’s bad we go back to bed.
~
If the weather’s good we’ll stay awake.
I’ll boil some water and coffee I’ll make.
Then off to the porch, facing due east.
The sky lights up and eyes will feast.
~
The dark now shed the future’s begun.
We’ve choices to make; good, bad or fun.
I choose fun because that’s always good.
The bad’s unchosen that’s understood.
~
An hour passes and sometimes two.
Where the time goes I have no clue.
Often I write or just sit and ponder.
I think of life and what I squander.
~
The sun gets high, the workday’s soon.
There’ll be hustle and bustle till late afternoon.
The clock ticks slower thinking of home.
Then back to the porch where minds can roam.

~*~
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Morning Triku #169 ~ Haiku Theoreticallish

haiku theoreticallish

~*~
Our Wrinkle in Time

Work is what we do,
when not doing what we want.
Like death but with pay.

~
Constant Ripples

Time is space between.
Between matters and doesn’t.
Distance less with light.

~
Perpetual Emotion

Love is energy.
Hearts, minds and bodies unite.
Time accelerates.

~*~
SCK072318

Stuck in the Middle with Me

Having reached the pinnacle of mediocrity,
the vista’s not quite what I thought it to be.
Valleys dwelt, sunlight shading overtime,
peaks overshadowed by this risers’ climb.
~
Tomorrows sculpted with what’s on hand,
rocky paths forged with mud and sand.
Yesterdays cleansed by the will of the sea;
darkness consumed by a will to be free.
~
Years like seconds cast to the breeze,
a gales awaiting, each day a tease.
But to wake I shall, today I did.
I’m halfway there, but again just mid.

~*~
SCK050524

Poetic Injustice

Afloat in red stilettos, hair, nails and lips

Shimmering in black satin, taught about the hips

Blue green eyes sparkle as they glance my way

Smile wide across her face, yet I’ve nothing to say

*

Subtle hand reaching softly touches mine

Nervously reacting I nearly spilled her wine

Leaning ever closer, whispering in my ear

Sweet sounds alluring, words I’ve dreamt to hear

*

Standing stunned, throbbing chest

Twisted tongue on a tortured quest

A racing mind all aflutter

An uncertain stutter I did utter

*

With this mutter she did chortle

A pen less poet’s just a mortal

~*~

Sck071215

Laughing for Change

Today’s the day I change the world,
my fingers crossed, blankets hurled.
The rising sun lights up my day.
It matters not my sky is gray.
~
First it’s coffee as I check the news.
Feeling good I dodged the blues.
Next I’ll write, so here we go.
What we’ll find I don’t know.
~
Every day is an unknown path,
so veer towards love, and avoid the wrath.
Share your joy with all you meet.
Make someone smile your daily feat.
~
Laughing’s great, then happiness nearer.
I laugh a lot when I look in the mirror.
Perhaps the key’s our point of view.
I feel the change, now do you?

~*~
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Dreaming Dreams Dreamt

Risen from the depths of gloom and dread,
cobwebs wiped from my sleepy head.
I awoke to a day of bright sunshine.
I looked out the window to see the world was mine.
~
To the bathroom I went to do my thing.
Perched was I as the birdies sing.
I then strode to the mirror and to my surprise;
the bags were gone from beneath my eyes.
~
My hair was perfect with none out of place.
The wrinkles of time were now gone from my face.
I raced downstairs to greet this new day.
I skipped and danced every step of the way.
~
While making my coffee an alarm I heard.
I thought to myself, now that seems absurd.
Next thing I knew I was back in bed,
pulling the covers from over my head.
~
My room was the same, still dark and gray.
Cold and wet was predicted today.
The nightmare passed but the dream still unclear.
But awakened was I to awake with her near.

~*~
SCK051920

Fluff n’ Stuff

My mind is blank and I don’t know why.
I watched the sun rise in the sky.
I’ve got my pencil and a pad.
The day’s bright and temp’s not bad.
~
The news is filled with lots of stuff.
Some of it’s scary but most just fluff.
Life is good, I can’t complain.
I feel great, I have no pain.
~
I’ve things to do and the list is long.
Or do nothing but that feels wrong.
I’m not too bothered when I can’t write.
I might tomorrow if not tonight.
~
Just a start is usually all I need,
a couple of words to plant the seed.
Then the wheels turn and the page is filled.
Good or bad, again I’m thrilled.
~
So I’ll keep you posted as to my progress.
Hopefully I’ll have success.
But if not, that too is OK.
I’ll say good morning some other way.

~*~
SCK052220

Too Much

I’m starting to think my phone’s a crutch.
It’s found in my hand far too much.
I glance at the news every ten minutes or so.
And the weather’s known wherever I go.
~
When I’m bored I’ve got games to play.
And there’s blogs I check every day.
My music’s there with more to explore.
I now have no reason to go out the door.
~
I’ve got mail and text and a video chat.
I could take selfies, but I don’t do that.
But I do like the camera and it’s often used.
Apparently I’m sneaky, or so I’m accused.
~
The flashlight illuminates the darkest of night.
And the calculator’s cool when I want numbers right.
There’s also a calendar to plan out my day.
And a G.P.S. to help guide my way.
~
I could write a story but typing’s a pain.
I could try my thumbs but see little to gain.
I can search the web for whatever I choose.
I’ve got alarms to disrupt my snooze.
~
And there’s more I’m sure but I don’t care,
I kinda wish it wasn’t even here.
Oh and the phone, that’s not used too much,
because I still prefer an analog touch.
~
This poem could go on for days on end,
I could type it all and just hit send.
It might not be finished, but no one would know.
Oh darn it’s ringing, I gotta go.

~*~

SCK051620

Getting Up

***

Getting up should be forbid!

It’s too early for a kid.

Hiding not from what I did.

Under blankets – there I hid.

*

If just to sleep late – I would.

And dream all day – I could.

I want sleep, but wake I should.

Getting up is never good.

*

Getting up is what I dread.

Hair is tossed up on my head.

Mouth tastes yucky, eyes red.

Cold piggy’s dangling from bed.

*

Then they’re tickled by my dad.

Got right up but I’m not mad.

Smiles and sunshine bright, I’m glad.

Getting up was not so bad.

*

The End

~

Sck092314

Distraction Traction

By day distracted with thoughts of you.
By night distracted with the work I do.
My sleep’s not good and diet worse.
I think exercise sounds like a curse.

Dreams bring solace asleep or awake.
Love is felt when your hand I take.
Satisfaction overwhelms when we kiss.
Our moments together are always bliss.

The past is gone, no time for blame.
With pen in hand this mind I’ll tame.
The future’s calling clear and loud.
My heart is certain, my heads in a cloud.

The day ahead leaves little choice.
Tomorrows together we’ll rejoice.
For it is you that I’m profoundly attracted.
I’d finish this poem but now I’m distracted.

~*~
SCK072518

Poultry Dreams

In the name of man’s greed and chicken feed,
a farmer hatched his scheme to succeed.
He’d create a chicken with numerous wings.
Then, he too, could soar with the like’s kings.
~
Wings sell well but they sell way too cheap.
But if he had more the more he would reap.
He mortgaged his house and sold his truck.
He kept his old dog who brought him luck.
~
His wife kicked him out to sleep in the hay.
The breeding was started the very next day.
Time quickly passed and soon it was a year.
Most thought him a fool, although sincere.
~
With a cock-a-doodle-do he rose with the sun.
The day would be his, full of pride, joy and fun.
He sprinted to the house to fetch his ex-wife,
who had recently remarried to start a new life.
~
They walked to the barn, after some yelling.
The closer they got the more they were smelling.
With the odor intense, the farmer opened the door.
And with one big swoosh his hopes were no more.
~
His most wonderous chickens all flew the coop.
And the poor farmer left with only their poop.
The lesson of course being evolution’s not a race.
And those who disbelieve get egg on their face.

~*~
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Buttons

buttons_steve~kittell_01

Buttons, buttons everywhere,
they’re on this and over there.
They’re on clothes and touch-screens.
They’re on phones and flying machines

They can be found in boxes or jars,
or in neat rows on boats and cars.
Being on the button is good,
pushing people’s, you never should.

Some buttons are big, some are small.
Some buttons do nothing at all,
some are outies others innies,
silly buttons on our bellies.

You may have a cute button nose,
to enjoy the smell of sweet rose.
While buttoned up or buttoned down,
in the rain or strolling in town.

Buttons in all shapes, any size,
having a spare is always wise.
Buttons for eyes on our stuffed friends.
Uses for buttons never ends.

We glue them on paper plates,
making gifts for special dates.
Add string then sprinkle glitter on,
next curly yarn, name in crayon.

Some are toggles, some are switches.
Some like snaps to hold up breeches.
No zippers for me, I prefer,
buttons to hold all together.

Glad to share my buttons with you,
we’re all buttoned up, story through.
Rhyme’s done, time to button my lip,
I’ll say goodbye, have a safe trip.

The End                        sck081414

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/467759

Seconds

Awaiting the sunrise,
starlight fills sleepy eyes,
coffee’s brewing brighter skies.
~
I feel today’s a happy day.
Clearing is the persistent gray.
And spring’s finally on its way.
~
Summer’s next, heart’s to thaw.
The beats of two inspire with awe.
Sunset’s as one an unimagined draw.
~
With a change of hue fall we’ll thirst,
a future’s quenched well-rehearsed.
But I think I need my second cup first.

~*~
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Alesha the Cat

Alesha_poem_skittell

Daddy, daddy come quick and see.

There are big eyes staring at me.

In the window there, can you see?

It’s a kitty looking back at me.

.

Please can we keep her, can we please?

I’ll wash her good if there are fleas.

We gave her some milk on a plate.

It seemed like hours I had to wait.

.

Then mom came home, was kitty there?

Yes! – She’s napping on the porch chair.

Mom and dad had a little chat.

They called me in and there I sat.

.

Hoped to hear we have a new pet.

“First” they said “a trip to the vet”

“Vet” I said “whatever is that?”

They said “a doctor for your cat.”

.

Found a box, she fit just right.

Curled in a towel ” out of sight.

Into the car and off we go.

To a new place I didn’t know.

.

Never been to a vet before.

Many new things behind the door.

There’s lots of cats and dogs of course.

But shocked to see a tiny horse.

.

Saw a snake and a talking bird.

Said some words I’ve never heard.

The vet was fun just like the zoo.

But I was glad when we were through.

.

We brought her home, she disappeared.

Hid under the bed like mom feared.

To get her out we had a plan.

Gave her some tuna from a can.

.

That didn’t work, mom tried a trick.

She tied some yarn on a long stick.

I wiggled the yarn on the floor.

We saw a paw and then two more.

.

Next was a tail than furry head.

Now she’s out from under my bed.

Gave her a scratch as she ran past.

To the new food she ate too fast.

.

We gave her some time to explore.

She made a big mess on the floor.

Dad cleaned it up, almost got sick.

Mom finished the job; I said “Ick!”

.

And when done we all had a laugh.

Thankful our cat wasn’t a calf.

Then made a list for a quick shop.

A litter box was at the top.

.

Boxes and bags of this and that,

Much was needed for our new cat.

While we were out dad took a nap.

Our new kitty curled on his lap.

.

She woke with a stretch and a purr.

Licking her paws and stripey fur.

Dad woke next and was surprised.

By his new friend’s big sleepy eyes.

.

He cuddled her close, scratched her ears.

Mom smiled, I thought I saw tears.

Then we all had a good giggle.

Watching kitty twist and wiggle.

.

Mom picked her up, gave her a hug.

Put her down gently on the rug.

The cutest thing I ever did see.

But what to call my new kitty?

.

She’ll be Alesha, our cat “A”.

Like in the book I read today.

By a doctor who wrote fun rhymes.

I’ve read them all oodles of times.

.

Now’s time to sleep, our day is done.

I hope tomorrows just as fun.

Tucked in bed, Alesha and me.

Soon to dream of little cat “B”.

.

The End

sck080314

.

Available at: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/468855